82: Shauna's Story

Written January 9, 2024

Shauna and I have known each other for a very long time. When I sat down with her in the coffee shop to do this interview, I asked “Do you remember when we met?” She looked at me with curiosity and replied “In school of course.” “Right,” I responded “But do you remember the specific moment we met?” My memory for elementary school isn’t very sharp. She reminded me that we were bunk mates during wilderness sleepover camp. I chuckled, recalling a memory that I had clearly repressed. On the first day of camp, our science teacher led the class on a hike to identify plants. One of the troublemaker boys decided to wack a wasp nest with a stick. The nest dropped to the ground and angry insects flew out. I was stung all over and my body and puffed up like a loaf of sourdough bread. Good times.

Since then, our paths have run in parallel. I was a grade older in school, so we were never close friends, yet we always remained in the same orbit. We graduated from the same high school, went to the same college, attended the same graduate school and became CEOs of non-profits at nearly the same time. We even sent our boys to the same preschool. That’s one of the beautiful things about living in the town you grew up in. You just know people.

Shauna is a brilliant and ambitious woman who specializes in sales and marketing. For a decade she worked in the male-dominated field of business development, leading marketing departments at private companies and multiple visitor and convention bureaus. In 2012, she won a 30 under 30 award from Destination Marketing Association International for being one of the top young leaders. Five years later, she won the 40 Under 40 Award from the Puget Sound Business Journal for the same thing. In 2015, she became the CEO/Executive Director of Olympia & Beyond, the non-profit responsible for bringing industry and tourism to our hometown.

As an Enneagram 3, Shauna knows how to achieve things. “My motto used to be bite off more than you can chew and chew it,” she told me with a chuckle. Then one day, everything changed.

In 2020, Shauna’s body gave out. What started as a small rash on her finger mysteriously turned into a debilitating, chronically painful and unidentifiable health issue. “I thought I was dying,” she told me. Doctors poked, prodded and scanned her for everything from cancer to rare autoimmune diseases. The pain was so terrible that she was forced to leave her job and remain bedridden at home. She went from seemingly having it all to not being able to function and relying on her husband for her basic needs. For nine months, pain ruled her life.

Then one day she read something that changed everything. “The antidote to pain is pleasure,” she told me. The thought blew her mind. “I had zero idea what pleasure was. It was a concept I never made time for.” And so, in Shauna’s ambitious way, she set out to cure the pain that doctors could not by discovering pleasure. As she did, she slowly healed.

In September 2021, Shauna returned to public life using her brilliant marketing skills. She posted little hints on social media that she was back and about to launch a new project. Slowly over several weeks, she teased us. Finally, the day of the big reveal came and she announced the launch of Linger Boutique, a lingerie and sexual wellness store.

I remember the chatter online being scandalous and shocking. “Did you hear? Shauna’s opening a sex shop!” Anyone who enters the sexual wellness industry has to be brave, but Shauna took it to an entirely different level. She opened a shop in her hometown. The place she grew up. Where her parents live, her kids play sports, she knows people from church and in front of all of her previous colleagues. Our town is not a place you can hide.

The origin story of Linger is a fascinating tale, which Shauna has publicly shared before. I was interested in a different piece of the story. From the outside, it appeared like her business decision was something much deeper than just a new capital venture. It seemed to be an outward expression of an internal transformation. When I sat down to coffee with Shauna, I wanted to know something very specific. How did she transform?

“Am I seeing that correctly?” I asked her. “Is transformation a word that resonates with you?” A big smile came over her face with a twinkle in her eyes. “Absolutely!” she responded.

In the nine months that Shauna was sick, she had to re-evaluate how the world worked. As she learned more about pleasure as an antidote to pain, she began to notice that the world is not built for women to experience pleasure. The women’s role is to give pleasure, not to receive it. Not just sexual pleasure. Any pleasure.

Up until this point, Shauna had wholeheartedly adopted the lie of hustle culture. Her self-worth was based on what she could achieve. The degrees she had, the money in her bank account, the job titles she held, the awards she won. She did all the things that women these days are expected to do — have both a successful career and a family at the same time.

“I placed my identity in things that were external to me,” she said. When she got sick, all that went away. Only a few people from that world came to check on her. “If your identity is tied to something that is not there anymore, your whole world shifts. I realized I allowed myself to be used.”

This is a pattern I have been noticing a lot. Women in their mid-40s reach a point in their lives where something happens to cause an awakening. They begin to understand that our culture requires women to be caretakers of everything, except themselves. “When I was sick, everyone would often tell me it was just stress,” Shauna said. “JUST stress. I was like can we drop the ‘just’ part because stress is literally killing me.”

For Shauna, discovering pleasure was not only the answer to healing her pain, it was about finding herself. This point was illuminated when I asked her how she defines intimacy. “To be known,” she responded quickly. “It’s being able to share all of yourself with somebody else. But you have to know yourself before you can share yourself.” That meant unlearning a lot of things, like her relationship with shame.

It’s obvious that Shauna found a way to break free from the chains of shame that still hold most women captive. Listen to one episode of the Life Turned On podcast and you will hear Shauna openly challenge societal norms and celebrate the power of sexual exploration later in life.

I was curious to figure out how exactly this transformation happened. I know so many people who, despite going through big life-altering moments, simply don’t change. Sometimes hitting rock bottom doesn’t lead to transformation, but rather perpetuates an endless cycle of trauma. There’s something incredibly special about people who open themselves up to the possibility of a new way.

“When did you become aware of your shame?” I asked Shauna, trying to unlock this mystery. She paused for a long time, thinking deeply. “I think in the bathtub,” she finally responded. “It’s something I’m constantly de-learning. It hides and is stored in every nook and cranny of my body.” I loved the naked truth of this answer.

I wondered if that was the goal of all of this. To help other women discover their bare truth. So I asked, besides financial success, what were her hopes for the business. “To de-stigmatize rest and pleasure,” she responded. “Centering pleasure changes everything. It builds a more authentic confidence. It helps us understand our worth, our desires and how to ask for them.”

It is still unclear if she will be able to fulfill this goal, while also running a profitable business. Turns out, other people are not as liberated as she is. There’s a reason that the sexual wellness industry is still dominated by stores that have darkened windows or online-only shops that are aimed at men. Social media posts have been blocked, advertisements have been banned and events have been canceled because of the “indecent” nature of her business. She recently wrote An Open Love Note to the People Who’ve Actively Hurt My Business on Linger’s Facebook page, aimed at the people who continually act as gatekeepers to women accessing pleasure. In this way, Linger is much more than a lingerie store. It’s a place that fights hard to provide women with equal access to the rest and wellness they deserve.

As we finished our coffee and wrapped up our conversation, I was struck with a feeling of awe. I was clearly in the presence of a woman who found her purpose. But before I could ask that question, she corrected the assumption in my head.

“I don’t think Linger is my purpose,” she said abruptly. “It’s something fun and brings me joy, but it’s not my purpose.” I paused and looked at her with confusion.

“The only reason that we’re here is to love. It’s just that simple. Our purpose is to find a way to express love in the world. That is all we need to figure out in life. Just love.”

Maybe that’s the key to transformation. Just love. More specifically, self-love. That seems like a good place to start.

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ANNOUNCEMENTS

A huge thank you to Shauna for allowing me to share this story. You can show your appreciation by supporting her business at Linger Boutique and subscribing to her podcast Life Turned On. Also please like, comment on and share this post.

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